COPING WITH DEATH (GEN 37)

At least one study has been conducted on what happens to spouses who lose a child.

This study (Sun Rise Tomorrow, p. 57) showed that 90% of the couples who lose a child
experience serious marital problems.

Three of every four couples from those who were studied got a divorce within two years.

Spouses who faced this tragedy offered these comments to researchers:

Three months after our son died, my husband asked for a divorce. First, I lose my son; next
my husband walks out.

She keeps talking about our child all the time. We never go anywhere or do anything that she
isn’t saying, “Do you remember?” I need to get away from all the memories.

All he does anymore is talk to the police and cruise the area where our daughter was killed. He
spends hours on the phone searching for clues, but he won’t talk to me about our other
children’s needs.

THERE ARE SOME SUBJECTS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO COVER FROM THE PULPIT. THOUGH THERE IS NEVER A GOOD TIME TO DEAL WITH THIS TYPE OF MATERIAL, MY CHOICE (AS I HAVE STATED BEFORE) IS TO TREAT THESE SUBJECTS WHEN THEY ARE NOT THE CENTER OF ATTENTION.

a) One of the issues that falls into this category is death.

b) In Gen. 37 we read about a loss suffered by Israel.

c) This loss involved one of Israel’s children. This loss was very real to him.

d) This man believed that his son was gone. It is true hat he later learned that his son was alive.

e) However, in Gen. 37 this man believed beyond any doubt that he had lost a son.

f) Th son that didn’t come back home is described in verses 3-4.

g) Israel loved all of his sons but Joseph was especially dear to him.

h) To show his affection Israel gave this son a special gift—a coat.

i) Israel’s love for his son was so evident that it was obvious to the other family members (verse 4).

j) The coat described in verse 3 is again described in verse 31.

k) With a bloody coat in hand the brothers went to their father and lied (verse 32).

i) They said that they had “found” the coat. They wanted to know if it belonged to Joseph.

ii) Asking if the coat belonged to Joseph bordered on stupidity.

iii) Whatever this coat was it was a garment that was quickly recognized.

iv) I have left it in the closet this year, but some of you have seen my Russian cap.

v) Anyone who sees that hat can quickly identify me as the owner.

vi) A similar thing was true for Joseph’s coat.

vii) Israel saw the coat and the blood and concluded that his son had been attacked.

viii) He concluded that a “wild beast” had killed his son.

2) AN EXAMINATION OF WHAT JOSEPH EXPERIENCED WILL HELP EACH OF US WHEN WE FACE THE LOSS OF SOMEONE WE LOVE. THE MATERIAL IN THIS CHAPTER IS APPLICABLE TO NEARLY EVERY TYPE OF LOSS THAT WE FACE.

a) The first point to draw from the text is shock.

b) When people suffer a loss there is usually shock. Along with the shock may come denial.

c) When a person is notified of a loss something inside of them says, “That can’t be true.”

d) We are too shocked to believe what we have just seen or been told.

e) For a few moments or perhaps for a much longer time the reality of the loss does not register.

f) This has been well documented by grief counselors & this is implied in the text.

g) Notice what is said concerning Joseph’s coat (verses 31-32).

h) Joseph’s coat was partially or completely covered with blood.

i) Nothing is said about the coat being torn or ripped.

j) In fact, verses 31-32 read so smoothly that it is hard to imagine that the coat was torn.

k) Most agree that the coat was returned intact but covered with blood.

l) When Israel saw the coat he concluded that an animal had torn apart his son, verse 33.

m) If the coat had not been ripped apart, why would Israel conclude that an animal had gotten his son?

n) I would answer that he experienced shock and denial. Israel was stunned.

o) He expected his son to come home.

p) Being handed a bloody coat and being asked, “Does this belong to Joseph” caught him off guard.

q) Thus, instead of carefully examining the coat and facts he jumped to a conclusion.

r) Just as someone immediately concludes, “They can’t be gone”, so Israel drew a conclusion.

s) He believed that an animal had attacked and destroyed his child.

t) Some here have been in an automobile and we didn’t get all the information that was needed.

u) We should have gotten the other driver’s license number, phone, address, or something else.

v) Why did we forget important information? We were in a daze because of the wreck.

w) Our thinking process was temporarily disrupted and we overlooked some things.

x) This is what happens to people when they suffer a loss.

y) There will be shock, denial, and a lost sense of balance.

3) AFTER WE RECOVER FROM THE SHOCK THE SECOND EXPERIENCE WE MAY EXPECT TO FEEL ANGRY.

a) From what is said in Gen. 37 Israel must have been angry.

b) We may deduce this from verse 35.

c) Have we every tried to comfort an angry person?

d) Someone who is angry does not want to be comforted. They don’t want to feel better.

e) When someone is mad they generally want to stay in that mood for a while.

f) When we or someone else face a loss there is almost always anger.

i) The anger may be at God.

ii) I don’t know how many times someone has said, “Why did God allow ____ to die?”

iii) All die, Heb. 9:27, but many are angry about the time of someone’s departure.

iv) The anger that people feel is frequently directed towards other people.

v) In Gen. 37 Israel may have attacked other family members.

vi) He may have asked why Joseph was left alone.

vii) Why didn’t the other brothers take better care of him?

viii) How could his sons be so careless and irresponsible?

ix) These are some of the things that are said when the living move past their shock & denial.

x) The anger that is experienced by those who are dealing with a loss may be turned inward.

xi) Israel may have said, “Why didn’t I keep Joseph at home?”

xii) This is very likely because of Gen. 37:13-14.

xiii) Israel was 17 years old (verse 1). He was sent away and he didn’t come back.

xiv) I can almost guarantee that Israel was angry with himself for sending his son to Shechem.

xv) He must have said to himself a thousand times, “I shouldn’t have told him to go.”

xvi) After a loss the living frequently find themselves in a mental tug of war.

xvii) Questions like, “Why did I do that?” and “How could I have done a better job?” are asked.

xviii) Those who grieve are angry that they didn’t do things differently.

xix) They reevaluate the choices they made and wonder if they could have changed things.

xx) This reaction is 100% natural.

xxi) Perhaps this natural reaction leads to the next stage—depression.

4) THOSE WHO SUFFER A LOSS GENERALLY GO THROUGH THIS EXPERIENCE AS WELL.

a) At the end of verse 35 is said that Israel “wept for him.”

b) He tore his clothing (34a) put on sackcloth and “mourned for many days” (35b).

c) By the time depression strikes the depth of the loss is all too obvious.

d) The body feels like it has been drained both physically and emotionally.

e) The anger that was felt has been replaced by feelings of hopelessness.

f) This is what we find in Israel’s loss – verse 35 – “I will go to Sheol for my son.”

g) This expression means, “I will die grieving over the loss of my son.”

h) Israel said, “I am not going to recover from this loss. My grief is permanent.”

i) “Don’t tell me to get over it; I can’t and I won’t.”

j) While this statement reflects Israel’s love for his son his outlook was not healthy.

k) When we deal with some type of loss we go through various stages reflected in Gen. 37.

l) Maybe we can parallel it to an elevator.

i) If we are going from the first to the fifth floor our trip will vary.

ii) We may move directly to the second floor, but stop on floors, two, three, and four.

iii) The same is true of the grieving process.

iv) Some hardly touch the first floor (shock and denial).

v) Others spend a lot of time trying to acknowledge the loss.

vi) Some are angry for a few days or hours, others are angry for a lot longer.

vii) There is no set time frame for how quickly we move through the stages of grief.

viii) There is, however, a need to “not get stuck” on any of the stages.

ix) I once knew a woman who divorced her husband. This was a loss that to her was like death.

x) This woman was entitled to divorce and most would say that she had no other choice.

xi) This Christian went through the stages we find in Gen. 37..

xii) However, she got stuck on the depression stage. She would not move past this point.

xiii) In my judgment her failure to move created a permanent problem.

xiv) Israel said that he too was going to stay stuck in grieving over the loss.

5) His statement reminds me of a recent comment by an FBI agent.

a) This agent described criminals who say, “You will never take me alive.”

b) Experience has shown that this statement is usually untrue.

c) When it comes down to being shot or surrendering most surrender.

d) A similar thing is true for those who lose someone they love.

e) We may be told, “I will never get over the loss.”

f) There are some who are true to their word.

g) I know of one case where a spouse will carry the loss to the grave.

h) This may have been true of Israel – 42:35-39.

i) Israel was still hurting.

j) Israel finally found resolution to his son’s loss.

k) His resolution was unusual in that his son was still alive.

6) Our resolution comes when we have accepted a loss and we continue on with life.

7) In cases of death, the person is not forgotten and our love is not gone.

8) However, we do restart and maintain a regular lifestyle.

9) Life goes on and we adjust to what no longer is.

10) Again and again God’s word helps us with everyday life and our journey to eternal life.

11) This evening we have seen one more demonstration of how God’s word helps us.

12) Are we following and applying this word to our lives?

13) If not, why not?