MARRYING A NON CHRISTIAN

WHEN BILL NOTIFIED CONGREGATIONS ABOUT THIS LECTURESHIP HE SENT OUT A COVER LETTER. THIS COVER LETTER SAYS THAT THE PURPOSE OF THIS LECTURESHIP IS (AND I AM NOW QUOTING) “TO ALLOW SOUND PREACHERS TO HERALD OUT MESSAGES ON QUESTIONS THAT ARE OFTEN AVOIDED.” THE QUESTION TO BE ADDRESS IN THIS LECTURE IS THIS: “IS IT A SIN FOR A CHRISTIAN TO MARRY AN UNBELIEVER?”

A. When this question is asked some say yes and some say no.

B. Those who say that this is a sin to marry an unbeliever affirm that the Bible supports their position.

C. Those who say that such a marriage is not a sin also affirm that scripture supports their view.

D. Today we are going to study passages that relate to this topic.

E. As we begin this study I would like to express my appreciation for being part of the program.

F. Bill and the congregation have put together a fascinating theme and I appreciate this topic.

G. I also wish to begin by stating what the issue (question) is not.

H. We are not discussing the wisdom of a Christian marrying a non-Christian.

I. That is, we are not discussing how sensible this type of marriage is.

J. The question assigned for this time period deals with sin.

K. Sin is something that takes people to hell.

L. Thus, the question that is being asked may be worded in this way:

M. Will the Christian who marries an unbeliever go to hell?

N. If a Christian marries a non-Christian will their soul be eternally damned?

O. This is the issue and this is the only issue in this lecture.

2. Our question deals with two very different people.

3. There is a “Christian” and there is an “unbeliever.”

A. In order to study any issue we need to be careful in how we use words.

B. In the secular world we recognize this importance of this principle.

C. If we go to a pharmacist and ask for aspirin we do not want him to give us a bottle of arsenic.

D. Both may be on the shelf, both may be in a bottle, and both begin with the letter A.

E. Arsenic is not aspirin.

F. We know that words mean things. The words in our world often have a precise meaning.

G. The words in the New Testament are even more precise.

H. Thus, this lecture will pay special attention to some of the words used by the Biblical writers.

I. Let’s begin to think about some of key words by looking at the word “Christian.”

J. I am using the word “Christian” to describe someone who has been taught the gospel.

K. A Christian is a person who has repented and been baptized for the forgiveness of his or her sins.

L. A Christian is someone who is a member of the church built by Christ.

M. In this lecture I am using the word “Christian” to describe someone who is saved.

4. This lecture is also supposed to talk about an “unbeliever.”

5. Who is an “unbeliever?”

A. This is a question that must be asked and answered.

B. People do not agree on the meaning of the word “unbeliever.”

C. To one person an “unbeliever” is an atheist.

D. To another an “unbeliever” is the Moslem who worships Alla.

E. Others would say that people in denominations that call themselves “Christian” are unbelievers.

6. Which of these definitions are we going to use?

7. It is not enough for someone to say that marrying an unbeliever is sinful.

8. We must first know who an unbeliever is.

9. How can we determine who an unbeliever is?

10. How can we agree on what this word means?

A. The New Testament was written in Koine Greek.

B. This language is a dead language (i.e. it is no longer spoken).

C. Since the language of the New Testament is no longer used it is very easy to study.

D. We can research the words used by individual writers and know what they mean.

E. The Bible uses the word “unbeliever.”

11. I WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU THE WAY THAT LINGUISTS DEFINE THE WORD “UNBELIEVER” IN SCRIPTURE. ACCORDING TO THAYER (P. 57) THE WORD TRANSLATED “UNBELIEVER” DESCRIBES: “THOSE WHO DO NOT BELIEVE IN THE RESURRECTION OF JESUS; THOSE WHO DO NOT BELIEVE IN THE GOSPEL AND ARE GODLESS AND WICKED. THAYER ALSO NOTED THAT THE WORD “UNBELIEVER” CAN BE APPLIED TO CHRISTIANS.

12. This part of the definition is especially intriguing.

13. If a Christian becomes disobedient to God he or she is an “unbeliever.”

14. In Mt. 17:17 Jesus spoke of a “faithless” (unbelieving) generation.

15. Who did the Lord speak these words to? The Jews.

16. The Jews were religious. They were the people of God.

17. The Jews were the people who had received the covenant.

18. They had the Ten Commandments and all the other things that came through Moses.

19. In Mt. 17 Jesus said that they were unbelievers.

20. Paul made this same point about the Jews in Rom. 11:20.

21. Even Jude spoke of how God’s people were “unbelievers.” Listen to Jude 5 – READ.

22. Who was destroyed? God destroyed the very people He delivered from Egypt (the Hebrews).

23. WHEN WE LOOK AT THE WORD “UNBELIEVER” WE FIND THAT THE TERM IS MORE COMPLICATED THAN WHAT WE MAY FIRST THINK.

A. When God’s people are not faithful God calls them “unbelievers.”

B. This fact presents us with an interesting question.

C. Some have argued that it is a sin for a Christian to marry an unbeliever.

D. Let’s say for the sake of argument that this view is right.

i). How do we determine the status of two Christians who want to be married?

ii). If I am a single Christian, how can I determine if God views my Christian fiancé as an unbeliever?

iii). Jesus, Paul, and Jude all show that children of God can be classified as “unbelievers.”

24. How we determine if a Christian is seen by God as someone who is saved or an unbeliever?

25. Is the test for being an unbeliever or saved based upon attending all the services of the church?

26. Is the test the amount of money that one contributes?

27. Is our faithfulness determined by the number of works that we do?

28. Is it based upon how much we study God’s word?

29. Would we base it upon the amount of evangelism that we do?

30. We know the answer.

31. God is the one who determines whether we are saved or an “unbelieving” member of the church.

32. In my Bible classes people are encouraged to make comments.

33. In one class a member of the church (who is married to a non-Christian) made a comment.

34. She said, “My husband is not a Christian.”

35. This man believes. He believes that Christianity is right. He believes in the resurrection of Christ.

36. He believes that the Bible is true. He believes in heaven and hell.

37. This man is a believer but he is not a Christian.

38. This man supports his wife in her religious activities but he has not been baptized.

39. This type of situation exists in the church.

40. This type of situation has existed for a long time.

41. Are these people “unbelievers” or are they believers who have not obeyed the gospel?

42. Let’s look at some passages.

A. The first passage is found in Acts 19.

B. Acts 19:1 says that Paul came to the city of Ephesus.

C. While there he found certain “disciples.”

D. These disciples are described in Acts 19:2 – READ.

E. Notice that these people are called “believers.”

F. These people were believers but they were not Christians.

G. The word used in the Greek text is also found in Jas. 2:19.

H. James said that the demons are “believers.”

43. WHEN I HEAR PEOPLE ASK ABOUT CHRISTIANS MARRYING NON-CHRISTIANS IT IS ALMOST ALWAYS THE CASE THAT THOSE INVOLVED IN THE DISCUSSION USE WORDS IN A WAY THAT IS INCONSISTENT WITH NEW TESTAMENT TEACHING. THE BIBLE SHOWS THAT THE WORDS UNBELIEVER AND BELIEVER HAVE A WIDE RANGE OF MEANINGS.

44. This information is important but it does not completely address the question we are studying.

45. Let’s look a little deeper into God’s word.

46. 1 Pet. 3:1 is the next reference.

47. Here Peter affirmed that Christian women were married to men who were not Christians.

48. We do not know when these marriages occurred.

49. Some have assumed that people got married and after the marriage the wife became a Christian.

50. This is a possibility but there is no proof that this viewpoint is right.

51. Those with the opposing view can make the same type of assertion.

52. People can just as easily say that Christian women married non-Christian men.

53. Neither position can be proven.

54. Here is what the verse says – 1 Pet. 3:1 – READ.

A. Some have said that the marriage between a Christian and a non-Christian is sinful.

B. We know that if people are involved with sin they cannot stay in that condition.

C. If I have two wives that is one more wife than God allows. I am guilty of sin.

D. I cannot say to God, “I’m sorry for marrying two wives.

E. “Accept my apology and bless me and my two wives as the 3 of us continue to live together.”

F. The problem with this idea is illustrated by the book of Philemon.

G. A slave named Onesimus escaped from his master. He met up with Paul and was converted.

H. Being a run away slave was sinful.

I. Could Onesimus confess that he had sinned but still be a runaway slave? No.

J. Paul said that he had to go back. Confession of sin was not enough.

K. If someone has two wives they cannot deal with the problem by confessing it.

L. They must repent (get out of that situation). They must terminate one of the marriages.

M. Some say that being married to a non-Christian is a sin.

N. If this is true the Christian cannot keep the unsaved mate.

O. If this is not clear let’s use homosexuality as an example.

P. Two men get married.

Q. They come to God and say, “We shouldn’t have gotten married. It was a sin. We’re sorry.”

R. These men have confessed to God; may they stay married to each other?

S. No. Sin requires confession and repentance (the termination of the relationship).

T. In 1 Pet. 3:1 it is clear that being married to a non-Christian is not sinful.

U. Notice that Peter did not tell the women who were married to non-Christians to get a divorce.

V. He did not say, hint, or imply, that being married to a non-Christian is wrong.

W. He said that those who were married to unsaved mates were to influence their spouses.

X. Stay married and be a good example.

55. The message that Peter preached is the same one that Paul preached.

56. Let’s turn over to 1 Cor. 7.

A. In this chapter Paul described a wide variety of people.

B. In verses 8-9 he described two groups of single people.

C. One group is described as “virgins” (people without sexual experience).

D. The second group is described as “widows” and “unmarried.”

E. In 1 Cor. 7:10a Paul spoke to those who were married (both mates were Christians).

F. Then in verse 12 Paul said this – READ.

G. The “rest” were marriages between Christians and non-Christians.

H. What did Paul say? If a non-Christian mate was willing to stay in the marriage, let them stay.

I. If people were married to someone who was unsaved, Paul said keep the marriage intact.

J. This was so important that Paul made the point again – Verse 13 – READ.

57. Some of the Corinthians must have said that being married to a non-Christian was wrong.

58. This is the same thing that is being said by some today.

59. At Corinth this created some questions concerning the children.

60. If it is wrong to be married do a non-Christian, what happens when children are born?

61. For some reason those in our time do not ask about the status of children in a mixed marriage.

62. Not asking the question the Corinthians asked overlooks an area that deserves attention.

63. If being married to an unsaved mate is a sin, what consequence does this have for children?

64. Does this mean that children (to use Paul’s words) are unclean?

65. If a marriage is sinful, does this not have some effect on the children?

66. Notice verse 14 – READ.

67. Paul said that a Christian may be married to a non-Christian and there is no sin.

68. If such a marriage were a sin Paul said that a couple’s children would be “unclean.”

69. Some who have understood this fact have made an interesting argument.

70. Some have tried to draw a distinction between some things.

71. There are members of the church who have said that the actual marriage is sinful.

72. It further alleged that this “sin” (getting married) may be forgiven by confession.

73. If a person confesses the sin of marrying a non-Christian they can then continue in the relationship.

A. Folks, I have heard some strange things in my time but this idea is beyond bizarre.

B. This idea redefines Biblical words and has absolutely no basis in scripture.

C. Imagine the bank robber who robs a bank.

D. He comes forward Sunday morning and confesses his sin.

E. He then says, “I am confessing my sin. By the way, I am also going to keep the money.”

F. What would we say?

G. We cannot confess a sin and then continue down that road.

H. Think again about Onesimus.

I. This man ran away from Philemon (his owner).

i). After meeting up with Paul Onesimus became a Christian.

J. Was he permitted to confess his sin and remain a runaway slave?

K. Confession did not make things right.

74. The same is true concerning marriage.

75. If it is a sin to marry a non-Christian confession is not enough.

76. Sin means that people must repent (turn from what they have done).

77. If marrying a non-Christian is sinful people cannot continue in that marriage.

78. If marrying a non-Christian is a sin the marriage must be ended.

79. When we look at what Peter and Paul wrote this is not what they said.

80. They told people who married to an unsaved mate to stay married.

81. They said that God recognizes these unions.

82. If God did not recognize these marriages the children would be “unclean.”

83. In discussing this question it always seems like someone wants to bring up 2 Cor. 6:14.

84. All right. Let’s take a look at the passage too.

85. This is the place where Paul spoke of being joined to an “unbeliever.”

A. Some turn to this passage and make up their own definition for the word “unbeliever.”

B. It has already been noted that we must use Bible definitions for Bible words.

C. Here is how the linguistic works define “unbeliever” in 2 Cor. 6:14.

86. Thayer (p. 575) says that in 2 Cor. 6:14 the word “unbelieving” (apistos) means this:

87. “Those who refuse belief in the gospel, with the added idea of impiety and wickedness.”

A. I have met some Christians who married non-Christians.

B. I have yet to meet someone’s unsaved mate that was impious and wicked.

C. These people were certainly not Christians, but most of them were believers.

D. They were believers who had not submitted to the Lord’s plan for salvation.

88. Another standard Greek lexicon (Ardnt and Gingrich, p. 85) offers this definition for unbeliever:

89. “Faithless, unbelieving, with the connotation of evil doing.”

90. This source applies the same definition to the same word in Tit. 1:15.

91. There Paul spoke of people who have a mind and conscience that is “defiled.”

92. When people turn to 2 Cor. 6:14 to condemn marriages one of two things is true.

A. They are ignorant of what the original words mean and what 2 Cor. 6:14 teaches.

B. Or people are, to use the words of Paul, handling the word of God deceitfully (2 Cor. 4:2).

93. Even if we didn’t know what the word “unbeliever” means in 2 Cor. 6:14 notice the context.

94. Verse 17 – READ.

95. In the ASV we have the word “separate.”

96. If you are taking notes you might want to jot down these passages.

97. The word translated “separate” is used in some other places.

98. Here are a few places where the same word is found.

A. Mt. 13:49 – the wicked will be “separated” (severed) from the righteous.

B. Mt. 25:32 – Jesus will “separate” the saved from the lost.

C. Gal. 2:12 – Peter “separated” himself from others.

99. In 2 Cor. 6 Verses 14 and 17 go together.

100. Paul said these Christians (v. 17) had to “separate” themselves from the unbelievers in verse 14.

101. That is, there could be no connection, fellowship, interaction, togetherness.

102. If 2 Cor. 6:14 applies to marriage only one conclusion may be drawn:

103. This passage would mean that a Christian can have no interaction with an unsaved mate.

104. This isn’t my view. This isn’t the view of several preachers.

105. This is what God says because the words used by Paul are very specific.

106. If this passage applies to marriage in any way it necessitates a divorce.

107. We know that this is not right because of other parts of the New Testament.

108. A study of 2 Cor. 6:14 shows that this passage is not related to marriage.

109. It describes Christians who were participating with paganism and idolatry.

110. Paul said, “You separate yourselves from those things.”

111. When we carefully study the pages of God’s word the answer to our question is clear.

112. Christians can be married to those who are not saved.

113. Marrying a non-Christian will not send someone to hell.

114. Is this a wise course? No. Is this something we are recommending? No.

115. We all agree that the best and wisest course is for a Christian to be faithful & marry a faithful Chstn.

116. Anyone who says that a Christian who marries a non-Christian is guilty of sin is speaking where God has not spoken.

117. Folks, we have no authority to do that.